Ups and Downs

Today...well gosh there isn't much to say. All I can say is WOW!!!!!!!!!! I am a mommy for the first time! Yes, I have been there for Bailey through and through but when it comes down to it I am not her mommy. :o( This past year I have been given the biggest blessing though and have become the mommy to a WONDERFUL, CUTE, SMART little man! I couldn't be more honored to be his mommy! He has brought our lives so much joy and laughter. I canNOT imagine my life without him at this point. It would feel empty and would just make me sad. He is a 2.5 yo boy and I have moments of OMG why can't he just listen but overall it is pure bliss!!! I wouldn't change it for the world! He really is what I live for and what I wake-up for. One year ago I was very sad as we were approaching the 1 year mark of our miscarriage and the surgery because of it that put me in the hospital for 3 nights/4 days. NOT cool...this year I had the most AMAZING day!!!! We hung-out as a family and I never even left the house. Joe let me sleep in and I awoke to 2 handsome boys saying that they love me and are happy that I am the mommy! Doesn't get much better! We spent the day just enjoying each other.

The down is that infertility once again has played a major role in our lives this month. Poor TJ see's me getting ready and Grandma/Bailey pulling up and immediately says, "Mommy has to go to the doctor". THAT IS SAD!!!! Going to the infertility doctor everyday or every other day is NOT normal! Unfortunately, it is normal for us. We had such a hopeful experience in the beginning of this cycle and really thought this cycle would end with a sibling for TJ. It was not in the cards evidently. After such hope came despair. Things didn't go well and bottomline is I am once again going to have surgery on Wednesday morning. The doctors are hopeful that we can go it alone for the next 3 cycles and *hopefully* will be pregnant in the end. This is a hard pill to swallow. After almost 4 years of trying to get pregnant it is hard to believe it will actually happen. We remain hopeful though and WILL add to our family somehow! We will not let infertility beat us and if it leads us down the adoption path we WILL certainly accept that. We DID get our AMAZING son this way so why not build our whole family that way!?!?!?! I pray that I can experience pregnancy but in the end we just want a family! Who cares how we get that family? NO ONE!!!! A family IS a family no matter how it is built.

So on this Mother's Day I will be thankful for what we do have(a gorgeous son) and pray that God blesses us again no matter what form it is. It is 11:11 and my wish is just for more children to add to our family.

Happy Mother's Day everyone!!!